Starting to worry

My mom and dad left between 6-7AM for NY. It takes about 10-11 hours to get back home. Its 7:30PM now and no one has heard from them.

When they came here, they made it under 10 hours, I think it was 9 or so.

Right now their home phone keeps going into voicemail and so does the cell phone.

I called my brother who said they told him they would call and he has not heard from them either.

ETA....

They just called. They came back about 30 minutes ago, the cell-phone died in route (the charger broke that was plugged in and some how drained the phone) and when they walked in they realized all the phones and Internet are down!They plugged in the cell-phone charged it up a bit and called me. It was a bad connection because the phone was not fully charged. But I am so happy they are safe and home.

The day goes by.

My parents are still not home, it will be another 5-7 hours before they get there. At times I am so amazed at the distance I placed between us all. After all, we are the family that always lived in the same neighborhood, just streets apart and here I am 1,000 miles away.

As the day goes by, its time to push aside the sadness and depression and go on with my day.

What have I learned from my week?

I need to do more stuff with Megan (yes I know some of you fainted right now), I need to take walks with her and not worry about the mess, I need to sit down more often and play board games, read books, cuddle her in the morning and eat our meals at the table. ALL OF THEM. Even when Mike is at work.

I need to get more independent. I have scheduled a meeting with an admission advisor at Edison, I am hoping to go back to school, something in the medical field (what the heck I went to school for just about everything else). And when I finish my school, time to get to work. Megan also needs preschool.

I need to not allow toxic negativity around Megan, I wont change my in-laws. They will always find something to bitch about and someone to diss behind their back. However, when that starts I can get up with Megan and go play ball, play hide and seek or whatever. Remove HER from the situation.

Most of all I need to be happy, respected and loved. I need my daughter to see a strong mother/woman as an example of what she should grow up to be.

In a few minutes.

My daughter will wake up, run in the spare-room and hope to see Dziadzia and Babcia. I will have to break her heart and tell her they are gone.

They left this morning. I cried.

I miss them. I feel lonely.

ETA.....

It did not go well at all. Megan woke up and first thing she said was "Where is Babcia and Dziadzia?" I told her they went to NY already, she ran to the window, looked up and collapsed on the floor crying.

She has been crying off and on since, she wants me to call them and tell them to come back because she forgot to play games with them and take them places.

One night left

I remember the night before my parents came. After everyone went to sleep I stayed up full of excitement. I was so thrilled and couldn't wait for the countdown to their arrival to begin.

Tonight I sit here, again while everyone is asleep and sadness fills my heart. Only 8 hours left of my parents being under my roof and poof they will be gone.

What's really hard about this visit is that my daughter is old enough to know what missing someone is. She knows something is up, and knows they are leaving. But I think in her mind they will be gone for a few hours and be right back. That hurts me, and her crying, asking them not to go, makes me want to cry 1000 times more. And they made a few comments about how hard this trip is on them and how they might not be able to make it again.

Now as always, Mike keeps telling me "you better ask them what they are doing for Thanksgiving". Ok, why? Eight years ago I made the promise to my nephew that I will visit him for Thanksgiving after I was told "you better ask them what they are doing for Thanksgiving", and I have not been to visit them in 8 years.

I think this would not be as hard on me if I got to visit them, or they came to visit me.

My Parents pt 4

Are leaving tomorrow. Its our last day together and sadness is hitting me big time. Its funny how a grown adult can cry so much over mom and dad leaving. But, I dont do it in front of them or Megan.

I am having an over all hard time dealing with this. So much goes into it, including being left in the environment I am in.

Mike says all the time that he wants to step away from his family and the toxic negativity that is always around them, but actions speak louder than words and I have a hard time believing that he will. I think he grew up like this and really its all he knows, he doesnt even realize when he does the same thing. They always seek out the negative about people, they thrive on bashing things and people. If it wasnt for bad news there would be no good news. Its always something, or someone. Its a never ending pity party from hell.

Until this week I did not realize how such negativity effects you and changes you. It drains you of any good feelings. It makes you feel 10 times as old and tired as you are.

Now I know if Mike is unwilling to change this, I will have to.

My Parents pt 3

THEY ARE HERE!!! YAY

We had a great day, Megan wanted to run out of the house as soon as she saw the car. I had to hold the screen closed and wait till Dziadzia (grandpa in Polish) stopped the car. I told her she can go and she was out!

Ice, I think the poor dog went insane. He does not leave my dad's side, even follows my dad to the bathroom and sits by the door. Funny part was, I was going home and said "ice you coming in?" he begun to follow me, looked back noticed my dad wasn't getting up and WENT BACK TO MY DAD. If he could he would hide in their bags and go home with them.

Megan, was glued to them. She cried her heart out because she wanted to sleep with them. I said she could on the weekend but not tonight. She fell asleep crying "I want my Babcia (grandma in Polish) and Dziadzia.

This girl will be crushed when they go home. And so will I. I am already dreading the day and they just got here.

My Parents pt 2

Are about 10 minutes away from my house.



YAY X 10000

Cleaning out my closet -Bummped.

I am cleaning out my closet plus my whole darn house. My parents will be here on the 21st or around that time, and I want my house spotless and organized, running like a fine machine it should be. So here we go, some of the stuff on my list are just weekly jobs that arent a big deal and take minutes to do, some are things that get done only a few times a year, and even some projects that need to be accomplished.

0. Make a list of things to do - DONE (ok, ok I just had to feel like I already accomplished something!!)

1. Wash floors (day before they come) DONE
2. Shampoo Carpets DONE WTG HUBBY
3. Clean - De-clutter Kitchen Cabinets DONE (omg this took forever)
4. Organize toys in the living-room DONE
5. Dust the whole house (day before they come) DONE
6. Clean - De-clutter desk DONE
7. Clean out DVDs
8. Clean microwave DONE
9. Clean microwave cabinet DONE
10. Clean - De-clutter closet kitchen
11. Clean/Wash refrigerator DONE
12. Organize paperwork DONE
13. Clean top of the refrigerator (mike) DONE
14. Wash tub (day before they come) DONE WTG HUBBY
15. Wash toilet (day before they come) DONE
16. Dust bathroom (day before they come) DONE
17. Clean-De-clutter under sink cabinet DONE
18. Clean-De-clutter Medicine cabinet DONE
19. Clean Laundry room DONE
20. Fold - put away laundry DONE
21. Wash rugs (day before they come) DONE
22. Clean-organize my closet DONE OMG
23. Clean hall closet
24. Organize toys in bedroom (add some to Salvation Army bin) HUGE JOB
25. Put Megan's pjs in bedroom dresser DONE
26. Dust bedroom DONE
27. Clean bedroom tv cabinet
28. Clean out my clothing from spare room, organize, donate old stuff DONE OMG
29. Clean megan’s closet DONE
30. Wash bedding for mom and dad DONE
31. Dust spare room (day before they come) DONE
32. Scan in Megan’s paperwork

33. Scan in our paperwork

34. Clean outside play area

35. Build floor for playhouse (Mikes Job)

36. Clean bathroom cabinet DONE.

37. Set up wireless.. again
38. Fix outdoor rocking Chair DONE
39. Upload KI pictures DONE

40. Install Firewire Port Woohoo DONE

41. Fix burners on stove DONE WTG HUBBY

42. Vacuum the house DONE

43. Install new HDMI cable DONE

44. Back up pictures DONE on TV and EXHD

45. Lawn Care

When I add new projects I will add them to the list. When something is done I will update. Wish me luck. Looking at the projects I might as well move and start fresh LOL

Introudcing Mickey

Mickey belongs to my brother and his family. Isnt he adorable? How I wish we would live close by so that Ice could have a new playmate.

Mickey's introduction is kind of late, he has been part of my brothers family for 3 months now. I just kept waiting and waiting for pictures!!!

My Parents

Will arrive tomorrow!!

I am so excited and happy. Sure I will have to hear over and over about my weight and school, but that's expected and they only do it because they love me.

It will be so nice to have them with me, it will be nice to see Megan play with them.

I miss them so much.

Their plan is to stay from Thursday to Thursday, I plan on changing that and making them stay till Sunday :) Hopefully it works.

There is something wrong with me!!

I think I am the only person in the universe who can not, under any circumstances, fall asleep if my toe nails aren't perfectly trim. Ok, ok stop laughing now.

I am not kidding, if my toe nails some how snag or have rough edge I will toss and turn until I get up and go trim/file them so they are perfect. And no matter how small the imperfection might be, it will drive me totally insane and prevent me from sleeping.

When I finally achieve toe nail perfection, I can go to sleep right away.

What is wrong with me??? Do I need help? Medicine? Shock therapy?

Hard decision.

In January 2009, I will turn 33.

As hard as the decision is to me I think I will go to my doctor and ask for some kind of birth control, that I can be ok with.

Part of me always wanted Megan to have a sibling, I hate the idea of her being alone. It's not fun when you are a child, never a sibling to play with. Its not fun in teenage years, never a person to sit in your bedroom and rant about how insane your parents are or about your new boyfriend. It's not fun as an adult to never have a sibling you know loves you. And finally when your parents die, its sucks big time to be the only one facing the death and having to deal with it, only a sibling would truly understand what you are going through and be able to relate.

For all those reasons, and more. I really hoped to give Megan a sister or brother. Me and Mike haven't really been trying but not preventing either. I just cant do the whole fertility treatments thing, even after 15 months of being medicated each cycle, Megan was conceived on my break cycle so I am not 100% sold that fertility treatments would work for me.

Now all these plans come into my life, my parents want me to start school, Mike wants me to get a job, Megan is getting old enough for pre-school. And worst of all I am getting older, with age risks of something being wrong with the baby increase.

Getting pregnant is no longer optimal for me. Its time to rule it out completely by doing something about it. Breaks my heart in a way, always had this "hope" that it will happen. But, if I go to school and accidentally get pregnant it will take me forever to finish. If I start a new job and will get pregnant it will burn that bridge forever. Most of all getting pregnant after the age of 33 is super scary to me.

I hope one day Megan wont hate me for this, I hope she wont be lonely. Because as it stands right now, she will be my only child.

Purple Flowers

Conversation with my 4 year old daughter, while putting her to sleep.

.

.

Megan - Mommy?

Me - Yes, Megan?

Megan - Do you remember the flowers I picked for you long time ago....... the pink ones?

Me - Yes I do, you picked them at grand-mas house

Megan - Did you love them?

Me - Of course I did, they were the best flowers I ever got

Megan - Mommy?

Me - What honey?

Megan - I really really wish I could pick purple flowers for you, because I know that's your favorite color, I hope I can find some for you mommy. Because you're the best mommy in the world and a great person.

Me - Thank you, Megan I love you ((((cries tears of joy into pillow))))

Megan - I love you very much Mommy.

.

.

I think God chooses moments like these to explain to you what motherhood is all about. And that all those moments of wanting to pull your hair out, or wanting to run away screaming are worth it.

My dog groomer rocks!

I have a lot of people telling me they would never pay that much for a dog to get groomed, and I can find a "cheap" place.

But, here is the thing. My dog groomer rocks. She LOVES the dogs she grooms.

I called her yesterday and said I want to get Ice in, she is booked solid for the next 2 weeks. I said Oh no, I really wanted to get him in since my parents are coming and I want him to look presentable. And she says "we cant let him look bad for visitors!" and told me to bring him in the next day and she will fit him in.

This isn't the first time either, when I call and say he looks bad or is uncomfortable she always manages to get him in ASAP. I am 100% sure that she will always treat my dog good, and that's worth the cost.

Here is the before.. my hairy rat! He is really in bad shape!!

I will update the after when I bring him home. He always gets the "puppy" cut, which makes him super happy.

Here he is! The puppy hair cut doesnt make him look "cute" but it makes me soooo comfortable and happy, it really is like having a puppy home again. The groomer said he could wait to hop on the table! Poor doggie! Does if he look like he lost 10 lbs??

Annoyed... maybe a little.

I think the thing that annoys me the most that if I am feeling bad, sick or just plain tired and I want to sleep in, even if for just an hour. I have to hear about it, the whole day.

"Oh yeah, sure you're sick, what an excuse", "well maybe if you didnt stay up the whole night, you would not be tired". Sometimes these little comments and digs get more nasty.

But, he just came home from work at noon, its 4:30 and he slept the whole time, maybe opening his eyes for 2 or 3 minutes here and there. I dont say CRAP to him, even though this happens often and sometimes the naps are needed because he stayed up watching TV all night.

I know he works hard, and gets tired and should rest, I respect that. Why dont I deserve this kind respect? Why is it that when I need some rest, I have to listen to ranting and raving because how dare I even suggest I am not feeling good. After all, I dont work so what on earth can I be tired from.

And yes this would be one of those little, petty things that bother me LOL

Second trip to Kings Island.

We arrived in KI and I felt it will be a huge disaster. The lines were super long, Megan refused to stand in any of them, all she did was cry. This time we took the stroller and I was starting to think it was a big mistake because she refused to get out of it.

She rode the Backyardigans’ Swing-Along and it was over. Didn't want to do anything after this ride.

She did say her stomach was hurting, so we went to get lunch. That changed my child 100%, she was happy, and willing to stand in the long lines!! Thank God.

Her second ride was the Jimmy Neutron’s Atom Smashers, she had so much fun! And may I just say is quite a good driver! We laughed because she went around everyone without getting bumped!

After that she went on Blue’s Skido where she met a new friend she really liked.

And as always on the Nick-O-Round she had to ride the zebra.

Her favorite ride was the Little Bill’s Giggle Coaster, she was thrilled to ride it. And was able to do it on her own.

We just had to stop for some blue ice-cream.

At the Nick Jr. Drivers drivers she met another friend, they chatted the whole ride.

Now it was time for the Go Diego Go trucks!!

After this we took a break and went to the Meet and Greet. Megan watched with adoration but refused to go anywhere near them. It was still fun for her.

Mommy and her went on La Adventura de Azul.

And one of her other favorites Swiper’s Sweeper.

I felt so bad for this poor man I had to take a picture. How will he take this thing home? Hope he has a big car with him. If you are this guy or know him, or even have won a huge monkey like this, please respond and let me know how you got it home!!

And she just HAD to ride the Little Bill’s Giggle Coaster again!!

Megan in front of the Liberty Bell.

Her and mommy went on the Grand Carousel.

Megan in front of the big clock.

I wish it was that easy for me.

And finally her and daddy stood in the 1.20 hour line to ride the Lazytown Sportacopters.

It was only 70 something degrees so too cold for the water fun, maybe next time. After that we went home.


Sorry the pictures aren't prefect quality, it was super sunny and everything moves fast. I guess I was just too much into the fun of it and not paying attention to my manual settings.

V-Smile Games

Ok I am using my blog as to write down things I cant remember.

Megan has these V-Smile games.

1. The Little Mermaid -Ariel's Majestic Journey
2. Finding Nemo - Nemo's Ocean Discoveries
3. Toy Story 2 - Operation Rescue Woody
4. Go Diego Go - Save The Animal Families
5. Alphabet Park Adventure
6. Ratatouille - Remy's New Recipes
7. Barney - The Land Of Make Believe
8. Dora The Explorer - Dora's Fix-It Adventure
9. The Wiggles - It's Wiggle Time
10. Wall-E
11. Zayzoo- An Earth Adventure

I am hoping to get her Spongebop and Wall-E (got the Wall-E).

To the lady in gold and black dress with big black sun hat.

We went to Kings Island again this weekend, I will update with pictures later. We had a great time even though it was 3 times as busy as last time!!

But anyway, we went to the Meet and Greet of the Nick characters. Megan refuses to go to them, but watches them in adoration from a safe distance lol!!

So I got this spot in 2nd row, the first row was just kids and they sat on the ground.

When the characters finally run over, music is jamming, kids are screaming, its FUN. This lady with rather large rump and even larger sun hat, who is dressed as if she was going to the Kentucky derby and not an amazement park. Pushes her way right in front of Megan, turns around gives her a nasty look and starts to shake that rump, yelling and screaming as if she was 5. Sadly she wasnt even accompanied by a child.

On my right another set of parents noticed what whacko did. And asked if I want Megan to sit with their kids, I thank them but Megan didnt want to get this close, so other kids that were blocked moved on, and the parents kindly stepped back. I had DH put her on his shoulders and stand back, not to block any childs view.

If you are the "lady" in a gold/black dress with a sun hat large enough for a missile to land on. You should be ashamed. You didnt just block my daughters view but a few kids next to her. I am not sure why an old bat thinks she is more important than kids in situations like that.

If you only knew that things I wanted to do with her Starbucks ice-cream drink!

Smoothie for kiddos

I always misplace these favorite snacks so what better place to write them down??

I make these smoothies for DD, they are fun, and healthy.

Blend plain yogurt, fruits (strawberries and bananas for example) and milk together. During summer you can add some ice to make it colder.

You can mix the fruits into anything you want. One time I even squeezed out some carrot juice and added it in, she loved it.

I hide vegetables!

Oh yes I do. My child eats a ton of veggies and she doesnt even know.

My idea came from my brother who said their 11 son year old son hated veggies. Here is the tip he gave me.

When you fix soup, by the end of cooking take some broth out and cook a bunch of random veggies separately in it. When they are soft, blend it all togther and add more broth to make it liquid and not sauce like. And serve to your child as soup. My daughter loves soup! And has no idea she is eating all kinds of veggies with it.

You can hide your veggies in lots of other foods like meatloaf, hamburgers etc.

Always offer the same vegetable on the childs plate so they have an option to eat it. If you dont, she will never eat them and you will have to hide veggies till she is married.

Ice cream for kids, healthy and good

My mom told me she saw them make fruit ice-cream for kids on the food network.

It was the fruit, milk and a bit of sugar.

Looks like I found how to make it, (you can use any fruit, can or fresh, for kids I would go with fresh). Although my mom said they did it a bit different. They took the fruit, blended it, added sugar and milk and put in the Popsicle type containers. This way a child can have one each time they want and not be forced to eat all at one serving.

1 can (about 20 ounces) pineapple chunks packed in juiceA few hours (or
days) beforehand, open the can of pineapple and pour it, juice and all, into a
freezer-safe container; a large, flat one works best. When it's frozen hard,
remove it from the freezer and let it sit on the counter for 10 minutes. Use a
table knife to break the block of pineapple into several large chunks; then put
it into the food processor. (If your processor is small, you'll have to do this
in more than one batch.)Process the pineapple, stopping often to push the chunks
under the blades, until it is a smooth, creamy consistency. This will take a few
minutes, and you may have to be patient as the friction of the blades heats the
pineapple slightly, allowing it to blend smoothly. Serve immediately. If you
have leftovers, return them to the freezer and re-process briefly before serving
later.Tips: You can modify this recipe in dozens of ways. If you like your
dessert sweeter, add a little of your favorite sweetener. If you like it
creamier, try adding a couple of tablespoons of non-dairy milk or coconut milk
(great flavor!) Or substitute half of the pineapple with frozen mangos, bananas,
peaches, or berries. Get as creative as you want!

Well darn it!

I think I misplaced (lost), Megan's little immunization booklet!! Crap.

Ironically, mine was lost when I was a child also. However, because I grew up in Poland even my records are gone.

I asked Megan's doctor for a copy, and all I got was a print out, which is not bad but not as good as the little booklet.

What bites is that I just clean out my paperwork and I hope and pray I didnt throw it out by accident!!

Good-Bye Angel Care Monitor

After 4 years of daily use, it finally broke. We have not used the pad since Megan was about 9 months, and even at that time it was rare that she slept in her crib. But we have used the sound only part daily.

This bites, even though Megan is already 4 I still feel the need to have a monitor, the bedrooms are all the way in the back of the house. If she ever needs a drink or wakes up I want to be able to hear her. At the same time, its silly to buy a monitor when you have a 4 year old.

The shots really did a number on my princess, she was out by 7:30PM so unlike my kiddo.

Megan's 4 year well child check up!

Today was her 4 year well child. It went really great, she is still in the 75-90%. Which shows very consistent growth.

Her doctor was very impressed with her language and social skills. She told him just about everything she could about her life, including that she had Lucky Charms for breakfast.

She passed the hearing and vision tests, did really well. Had perfect blood pressure. Showed them she knows what her 1, 2, 3's and ABC's look like. Refused to spell her name, but said her phone number.

She had her shots for school, which was devastating to me. She cried. I kind of debated if we should do them, I know lots of people who do not vaccinate assume those who do just dont do their research or are influenced by the doctor. Not the case with me. After doing a ton of reading about them, shots are just something that I think is important to do, and might save your childs life. But, it still breaks my heart to see my baby cry.

It was a bit funny because she kept looking at everyone in at the office to see what was in their hands, she said "just dont do that to me again". They couldn't help but smile.

Here she is enjoying her after shots Popsicle.

I miss the old me.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I love being a wife and a mother. I love going to the parks, and Chucky Cheese, I love making my daughter feel like she is the center of my world. I love that she knows she is important and that she is loved. Being a mother was always my dream, and words can not even describe how incredible it feels to achieve this dream.

But there are days when I miss the old me, the one that managed a huge company, had an office with a window and an incredible view of what used to be the WTC, had an assistant and a secretary. Most of all made a pretty nice salary. I miss the me that was thin and young, who got lots of attention, who had a fat savings account, and never worried about bills, had her own place that was always clean. Was able to buy whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. I miss the power I had, not only in my job but my personal life.

My parents are pushing me to go back to school and I think maybe I need to, maybe its time to get a job, try to lose some of this weight and try to regain just a bit of the old me. I hope I can somehow merge the new me and old me and come up with a life I will be excited about.

What am I scared of? Failure. I worry that I will fail, and fall on my ass. I have not studied in a long time, and that scares me. I worry how I will be able to manage my time. I worry that my weight will hinder me in getting good jobs. I hate what I have done to myself and yet lack the willpower to do something about it, sure I lose 20-40 lbs here and there and gain it back. I am not even sure if its possible to lose as much as I need to lose. I miss the way I used to look, and feel about myself.


While I love Ohio, and adore the peace and quiet at times I miss the excitement of living in NYC. I even miss taking the subway (yes I know shocking, isn't it?). I lived in NYC and prospered, I "made" it in NYC. It makes me sad I am no longer there and that I took it for granted when I was there. However, at the same time I dont see myself raising my child there.

Ahh, maybe this is just a case of "the grass is greener".

Pictures

I just fixed some thumb-links that did not work. If you click on a picture it should allow you to see the picture in a bigger version.

If a thumb-link doesnt work, please leave me a comment letting me know.

Thank you :)

Play tunnel

No matter what age, boy or girl, any child will love this darn thing! Megan goes into hers and pretends to sleep there. LOL

Please excuse the crazy hair, its still growing out after the disaster of being cut crooked. So when its not tried or clipped it goes right in her eyes. While it does look like the poor child needs a hair cut, she doesnt. With time as the hair grows out it will fall in the back and on the sides.

And yes, she is in there